Over the course of our Coronavirus Pandemic and Quarantine - being confined to my home, my emotions were all over the map. Are you interested in taking a roller coaster ride with me?
Week One - I was happy to slow things down, sleep in, and have my kids home with me. I love spending time with them, and I was excited about the challenge of homeschooling. I'm a teacher, after all, so this was my wheelhouse. We tried our best to adapt to a new schedule with blocks of learning followed by blocks of free time. (By the end of the week, it was more like an extended Spring Break. I told myself we would kick it into high gear once we received their assignments from the school.)
Week Two - We received our first set of schoolwork in nice, organized packets that our teachers so lovingly put together. One child thrived on checking things off the list and marking everything "complete." The other child fought against it tooth and nail. Getting him to sit, focus, and work was like pulling teeth. At one point, they made forts to make it more fun. Then the forts became the subject of arguments. We tried school outside one beautiful morning, but not much got done that day. My frustration was rising, and I wasn't sure how I was going to survive this.
Week Three - Every day was a battle. I lost my self control and there was yelling. Hearts were hurting. Every day I felt more like a failure. Every day my joy was being stripped away. I cried alot. I was low on energy and low on motivation. I hated the wedge that the required schoolwork was putting between me and my sweet child. I spent Friday morning in tears. Big tears - like the kind where you can't catch your breath. I reached out to my child's teacher to let her know about my struggle. She was simply amazing. She gave me grace. She encouraged me and told me to complete what we could and not worry about the rest. I still had a difficult time giving myself grace. I'm a perfectionist. I couldn't imagine sending incomplete work back to the school. Even after the teacher had said that we could! I prayed alot that day and that weekend.
Week Four - I kept praying. Praying for wisdom, patience, motivation, and most of all- JOY. When I opened the newest curriculum packets that Monday, they seemed more achievable. Slowly but surely, we got into the groove and things became easier.
Does this sound anything like what you other mommas experienced?
I can gladly say, looking back, that we SURVIVED. On the very last day of school, when my son took his very last Spelling Test, we sat and prayed together. We thanked God for pulling us through. I spoke words of encouragement and asked forgiveness for the times that I may have pushed him too hard and wounded our relationship. This summer, I vow to take the time to mend those wounds. I want him to know that God gives us Grace for those tough times. He does not call us to be perfect. He calls us to love Him and love Others as we navigate this crazy world. We will not always succeed the first time we try new things. But we must keep pushing forward, and with God's Strength, we can do all things. (Maybe not perfectly....but we can give it our best shot!)
Thank you, Jesus, for the opportunity for growth. Change is so hard, and it brings growing pains. But those pains are so worth it in the end. You are pruning us to be a better version of ourselves each time we experience a roller coaster like this. Like one of my favorite songs says, "You're making diamonds out of dust."
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