Confessions of a Sleep-Deprived Mom

1:15 AM
Tonight is the night.  My husband and I finally decided to break our son of his horrible sleep habits.  (Habits that are totally and completely my fault to begin with.  I take full responsibility because I'm a cuddle-bug and my son has become one too.  To the point that he can't sleep all night in his own bed because he ends up in ours at some point; his parents have been too lazy to help him learn how to fall back asleep in HIS bed.)  He's never been the best sleeper, and I've read all the strategies of helping your baby form good sleep habits...but I haven't followed through.  Instead, I decided to follow my heart.  My cuddle time was just too precious to pass up!

So we're camped out in the living room, listening to the heart-breaking screams and watching the monitor screen (thank goodness for camera monitors!) to make sure he doesn't hurt himself.  All the while taking turns to go in and reassure him that we still love him, but "this is where Robbie goes night night."

Oh, the agony!

I don't even mind being up this late (or up all night for that matter.)  I'm used to getting little-to-no sleep these days.  However, the agony of walking away and hearing the screams become louder...oh my.  Gently breaking his tight seal of a hug those little arms are grasping so desperately for...wowser.  Agonizing.  Emotional torture, in fact.

I must admit that, in the past, I've been able to catch up and get rested during the week- becoming a couch potato that literally "can't" move due to exhaustion some days.  (Especially now that my body is working overtime to create another little human in this tummy of mine.)  But the buck stops here.  The excuses are over.  I want my energy back.  I want to be able to enjoy our weekdays together before Baby #2 makes his/her debut.

The Truth?  Sometimes I feel like a bad mom.  But I'm learning that sleep deprivation can make a person think crazy things.  I'm learning that all the new "rules" out there about parenting can really make a person insane....if you're someone like me who likes to follow rules.  Haha.  Every mother will follow her heart, because every baby is different.  Every family is different.  Every relationship is different.  We love our kids to the moon and back- and that should be the only measure of how "good" of a mom you are.

P.S.  I only had to break those precious arms away from me once.  After much ado, he fell asleep more quickly than I anticipated.  Maybe this won't be SOOOO bad after all....??