Shattering the Stigma

2020.  This is the year for BREAKTHROUGH; I can feel it.  I see so many friends struggling with anxiety, depression, and other mental health disorders.  My heart aches for them, because I can relate. But God is doing something big; He is at work and He is opening doors and opportunities for our community to stand together against the enemy’s lies during this fight.  There was a time when I was in the trenches, fighting something so dark that I wondered how it was possible to ever get out. But God showed up. He worked a miracle in my life, and I’m writing to tell others about it in hopes that your chains can be broken too. We all have battles we fight underneath the surface. We put on a happy face and pretend everything is ok, but on the inside we are fighting things that nobody else knows about.  It may or may not be related to mental health.  Maybe your circumstances are not what you had planned for your life and you can’t seem to find joy and contentment.  Maybe you fight anger, resentment, jealousy, or pride. Whatever your struggle today, I encourage you to keep pressing forward. Keep looking up to Him. There is light at the end of your tunnel if you let go and trust Jesus with your burdens.

My New Years Resolution can be summed up in one word: COURAGE.  I am about to unveil something that is heavy and personal. It’s a big, ugly scar that very few people know about me.  But God has called me to share my testimony, so I’m walking boldly ahead. And as I hit the “publish” button on this blog and the “share” button after that.....I pray that chains will start to break.  In our community and in our hearts.

About one year ago, I felt God calling me to write a book about the hardest year of my life (2013) and the miracles that He provided to bring me to the other side.  My goal this year is to finish and publish this book.  The title is "Shattering the Stigma: My Battle Back to Mental Health."  I actually put the first part of my Introduction on this blog last February, titled "A Call for Authenticity."  (click here to read it) So today I thought I would share the last part of my Intro and a sneak peek at my Table of Contents.  My hope and prayer is that this will offer encouragement to you. 

A Call for Authenticity (Part Two)

I believe there should be NO SHAME in admitting that you struggle with a mental illness or emotional disorder.  I believe there should be more discussion about these topics to offer support and encouragement.

If we could open our hearts and subdue our judgement, perhaps we could shatter the stigma of mental and emotional struggle and accept it as part of the journey of life.

I'm here to openly share my story, in hopes that it will offer some type of encouragement to those that might be suffering in silence.  I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder six years ago.  I experienced quite a traumatic summer where I was hospitalized (twice!) after some major panic attacks.  It was an ugly, painful process to stay in a psychiatric ward until doctors found the correct diagnosis and medication.  Memories of that summer come back to haunt me every now and then.  I worry that it resulted in some psychological damage for my son, who was 2 years old at the time.  I battle thoughts that I am broken in some way, and I deal with the stigma that comes with needing a regular checkup with a psychiatrist.  On the other hand, God held my hand the entire time and He continues to give me strength every day.  My story is a testimony of His overwhelming, never-ending, reckless love.  I have not chosen to share these experiences publicly for my own glory or fame.  I have been called by my Lord and Savior to share it so that He might be glorified, and so others might come to know Him and trust in Him.  He is my Rock.  He is my Redeemer.  He is my Healer.  And He can be that for you if He isn't already.

"Give thanks to the Lord and proclaim his greatness.  Let the whole world know what he has done.  Sing to him; yes, sing his praises.  Tell everyone about his wonderful deeds.  Exult in his holy name; rejoice, you who worship the Lord.  Search for the Lord and for his strength; continually seek him.  Remember the wonders he has performed, his miracles, and the rulings he has given, you children of his servant Abraham, you descendants of Jacob, his chosen ones."
Psalms 105:1-6 (NLT)

I pray that God will work miracles through my obedience to testify.  I pray that, as a community, we can work together to begin Shattering the Stigma.

Table of Contents

Introduction: A Call for Authenticity

Chapter 1:  Post-Partum Panic: My First Attacks 

Chapter 2:  My Summer in the Psych Wards

Chapter 3:  Miracles 

Chapter 4:  Road to Remission: A Daily Battle

Chapter 5:  Jesus and Jazzercise 

Chapter 6:  Coffeehouse Conversations

Chapter 7:  Shattering the Stigma

I'd like to leave you with some lyrics from the song "Scars" by I Am They

(click here to listen to the song)

Waking up to a new sunrise
Looking back from the other side
I can see now with open eyes
Darkest water and deepest pain
I wouldn't trade it for anything
'Cause my brokenness brought me to You
And these wounds are a story You'll use

So I'm thankful for the scars
'Cause without them I wouldn't know Your heart
And I know they'll always tell of who You are
So forever I am thankful for the scars

Now I'm standing in confidence
With the strength of Your faithfulness
And I'm not who I was before
No, I don't have to fear anymore

Jesus and Jazzercise

I have been dancing with Jazzercise for almost 14 years!  Granted, there were many in-between years that I had to "take off" to raise my babies and balance motherhood/family life with working full time.  Seasons come and seasons go.  For example, my teaching career was put on hold for this season, as my family needed more of me.  I will always be passionate about Education, as that is where my training, experience, and expertise lies.  I will always have a heart for students, teachers, and parents that come together to do what is best for kids.  However, in this season of my life, God has called me to shift my focus elsewhere.  He called me away from the classroom and into the Dance Studio.  

I have taken full advantage of my new "job" as stay-at-home mom.  I am diving into cooking, cleaning, planning playdates, giving 100% to my kids during homework time after school.  But I am also choosing to take better care of myself and my health.  I re-joined Jazzercise in August and I am more addicted than I've ever been!  Something about the uplifting music, the awesome instructors, and the DANCING just puts me in a good mood.  It's the only workout that I've ever been motivated to stick with.  Which is why I've decided to become an instructor myself!  The last few weeks have taken some major endurance, discipline, and many hours of practice.  Audition Day is quickly approaching.  Luckily, I've been blessed to work alongside some amazing people who have been a tremendous support and encouragement (shout out to Adrienne, Rodney, Claire, and Taylore!)

All this to say - Southlake Jazzercise is one of my new "homes."  Obviously, I consider my own family my very first home, and I have a church family that is becoming "home" as well.  You've probably heard the saying, "Home is where the heart is."  My heart beats for lots and lots of things.  It beats for Jesus.  It beats for my loved ones.  It beats for friends, acquaintances, and just people in general.  And in this season of my life, it has been beating stronger and stronger for the Advocacy of Mental Health.  Friends, I'm typing to share with you today that the MAIN reason I workout is for my Mental Health.  Yes, my physical health is just as important, I know.  But if any of you out there are struggling emotionally or mentally, I encourage you to DANCE.  (Or go for a walk, a run, or go to the gym, or go to your favorite class.  You can fill in the blank.)  For me, that blank is Jazzercise.  Physical fitness helps us balance the other areas of our lives that create all that dreaded stress.

A Call for Authenticity

We are living in a world where almost every person now has an online identity.  We carefully craft the way we want others to see us. We can filter our photos and upload only those in which we look our best.  We are more brave to share our opinions, because we can hide behind the screen. Each time we scroll through a NewsFeed, we become more and more addicted and entrenched in the game.  The comparison game. Jealousy enters our hearts before we can blink, and dissention is bound to arise. I’ve seen it. I’ve experienced it. I’ve put myself on detox from it, only to return right back to it because I am a social being and I love connecting with others.  As much fun as Social Media can be, Real Life is so much more abundant and rewarding than any virtual reality that is found online. I hear God calling me to vocalize a call for authenticity. I hear Him calling for our generation to reach out to each other, offering helping hands to our neighbors, and tearing down walls of judgment.  

I believe it can start when we make the conscious decision to just be ourselves. Be who God created YOU to be. Online. In person. With family. With friends. With colleagues. When we meet new people. When we go to a party with a room full of people we’ve never met. When we go out to eat. When we volunteer at our children’s schools. In the grocery store. Everywhere we go. God has called us to be a light for Him. How can we do that when we put on a mask and work hard to project a certain image? The only image that matters is bearing the image of Him. The Almighty. Our Father.

So I have decided to take off the mask. (Go into public without makeup sometimes!) Let my scars show, if you will. Because we all have them. We all have something that makes us feel broken. Something in our past, or something we are dealing with in the present. A pain. A season of suffering that comes back to haunt us. A weakness in our character that we try and try to change about ourselves to no avail. But I am here to encourage you to let those scars show. Let other people in so that they can help you through it.

What would happen if we limit our screen time and started putting more emphasis on real, live, personal relationships?

What would happen if we were courageous enough to share our painful experiences with each other, starting honest conversation without sweeping tough subjects under the rug?

What would happen if we started listening to others with open minds to gain understanding and provide encouragement, deconstructing the wall of judgement?  

What would happen if we started fully accepting God’s Grace, believing that His mercy and love for us is unconditional?  And even greater, what if we showered that same grace on others, letting them know that we can love them unconditionally?

What would happen if we stopped putting so much effort in seeking the approval of others, and we kept our feet planted firmly on the fact that God created us all to be unique with different gifts and talents?

I have come to a point in my life where I feel God calling me to get very “real” with people. I’ve shared my testimony with numerous people, and every time I say it out loud, I become more courageous. God has given me a unique story that testifies of His unfailing love. And when others begin to open up to me about their story, I find so much encouragement and I love to see how God is working. I know there are so many more stories out there just waiting to be shared. Will you join me?

Be the Light

Living as Children of Light

Ephesians‬ ‭4:21-32 NLT

“Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy. So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body. And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.” Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil. If you are a thief, quit stealing. Instead, use your hands for good hard work, and then give generously to others in need. Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.”

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In every sinful heart, there is temptation to let our thoughts sway toward frustration with our circumstances, bitterness toward authority, jealousy of others, anger with someone who has wronged you, and the list goes on....

Our inward thoughts begin to change our outward attitude, and before you know it, others can see and hear the negativity. Within a group of friends, coworkers, or family, the negativity then begins to spread like wildfire. The devil gets his foothold. It can happen in a blink. 

So, how do we defend against this disease? 

Paul says, "Let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. Put on your new nature, created to be like God- truly righteous and holy."

This is not something you can do alone. You, alone, do not have the power to be holy and righteous. You are human; you are sinful. It is only through the blood of Jesus that we can be redeemed and made clean. And He sent the Holy Spirit to renew us when we go astray. What you can do, however, is recognize that sin when it creeps in, and pray for the Holy Spirit to cleanse and renew your heart.  When this happens to me, I always go back to one of my favorite worship songs that comes straight from Psalm 51. 

“Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.”

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭51:10‬ ‭ESV‬‬

Cheer Squad: Unite!

Unity in the Body

Ephesians 4:1-16 NLT

“Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God. Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. Make every effort to keep yourselves united in the Spirit, binding yourselves together with peace. For there is one body and one Spirit, just as you have been called to one glorious hope for the future. There is one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all, in all, and living through all. However, he has given each one of us a special gift through the generosity of Christ. That is why the Scriptures say, “When he ascended to the heights, he led a crowd of captives and gave gifts to his people.” Notice that it says “he ascended.” This clearly means that Christ also descended to our lowly world. And the same one who descended is the one who ascended higher than all the heavens, so that he might fill the entire universe with himself. Now these are the gifts Christ gave to the church: the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, and the pastors and teachers. Their responsibility is to equip God’s people to do his work and build up the church, the body of Christ. This will continue until we all come to such unity in our faith and knowledge of God’s Son that we will be mature in the Lord, measuring up to the full and complete standard of Christ. Then we will no longer be immature like children. We won’t be tossed and blown about by every wind of new teaching. We will not be influenced when people try to trick us with lies so clever they sound like the truth. Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church. He makes the whole body fit together perfectly. As each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the whole body is healthy and growing and full of love.”

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I'm thinking of my sweet cheer squad as I read this passage this morning. I pray that we can be united in the body of Christ this season. May we always be humble, gentle, and patient with each other, binding ourselves with peace through His Spirit. I love how Paul speaks of the different gifts that God has given each of us. As cheer "leaders", our team is called to build up our community and help the other parts (sports teams, SOTA, grammar students) grow so that our entire school is healthy and growing full of love. I pray that our squad will be unified in Christ so that we may be a Light on campus this year. 

Love you all!

Coach T

The Art of Losing Myself

Today, I scored some free time - a long morning all to myself! - because Robbie is at school and Reese is hanging with her GheeGhee and Poppy.  As I pondered what I would truly love to do with my time, my first instinct was Mani/Pedi and Shopping!  Mommy Pampering!  But then I considered our family budget, and I decided that those activities simply wouldn't honor my husband or the Lord.  So after a good Jazzercise workout, I ended up at Starbucks with my Bible Study and laptop - sitting outside, enjoying a beautiful day.  I've decided to put off my earthly desires (pretty nails and new clothes) and hang with Jesus this morning. 

I love losing myself in the presence of our Almighty King.  As I've been studying the book of Hebrews, I've learned about the superiority and accessibility of Jesus as our High Priest.  Hebrews 1:3 says, "The Son radiates God's own glory and expresses the very character of God, and he sustains everything by the mighty power of his command.  When he had cleansed us from our sins, he sat down in the place of honor at the right hand of the majestic God in heaven."  Then in verse 17: "Therefore, it was necessary for him to be made in every respect like us, his brothers and sisters, so that he could be our merciful and faithful High Priest before God.  Then he could offer a sacrifice that would take away the sins of the people."

I love this song by Hillsong United:
"Your will above all else, My purpose remains.
The art of losing myself in bringing You praise.
Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades!
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame!
In my heart, in my soul, I give You control.
Consume me from the inside out!
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out!"

Society promotes selfishness.  We're bombarded daily by ads that promise their product will make us feel better, look better, or improve our life somehow.  Then when we attain that "one special thing" and we still feel empty...where do we turn?

Jesus, our High Priest, promotes humility.  When we decrease our selfish desires and increase our faith in Him, incredible things will happen.  His perfect love drives out fear and gives us strength.  I challenge you to forget about all your earthly desires for just one day; take this day to focus all your thoughts on the lyrics above.  I've attached a YouTube video of this song as well.  Enjoy!

Dancing Through Your Marriage

This evening, I ran across a clever, cute quote for all the single ladies:
"Dance with God, and the perfect man will cut in." 

My first reaction was "Aw, I love that!"  It sounds romantic, right?  It's the ultimate chick flick movie waiting to happen for us Christian women.  But then I got to thinking....perfect man?  Is there such a thing?  I don't know one.  But there's a man who's perfect for me, and I'm so glad God led us to each other!  My husband and I go together like peanut butter and jelly.  He's the yin to my yang.  We've been married 8 years but we've been together for 12.  We actually grew up together in church and our families vacationed together.  I can count the number of New Years Eve's that we've been apart on one hand.  Fun love story.  Very romantic......but that doesn't mean we have the perfect marriage. 

Perfect.  A word that I, personally, struggle with.  It's something I try to achieve in all areas of my life- including my marriage!  Then I get to that breaking point when I realize that it's not possible to reach perfection.....or is it?  (I went to the Word to see what God had to say about it, and I came across this helpful article if you're interested:  http://www.centervilleroad.com/articles/perfect.html)

But let's get back to the issue at hand: the truth about marriage.  It boils down to this:  Keep God first.  Love your Heavenly Father first.  Spend time with Him first.  Get to know Him first.  Dance with Him first.

I've learned this truth the hard way, and I've had to learn it over and over again.  You see, I tend to put my husband (and all earthly relationships) first.  I put off my time with God.  I have kids that need me 24/7/365.  When they're sleeping, I keep myself plenty busy or I give myself a break and zone out.  But what would happen if I got up 15 minutes earlier than my kids to read a Psalm and then start my day with a prayer?  What would happen if I turned on Pandora Praise & Worship instead of Good Morning America?  (For those of you with a daily commute- what would happen if you silenced your radio for 5 minutes to chat with God?  What would happen if you open your Bible App to read the Verse of the Day BEFORE opening your FB or Pinterest?)  Well, I've tried all those things.  And I can tell you that it does WONDERS.  What a Wonderful Counselor we have.  How often do you seek Him? 

So as this truth is something seemingly simple that can help you in all areas of life, it's also the truth about MARRIAGE.  Before we can dance with each other, we must dance with God.  If we rely on our spouse to "make us happy" then we're setting them up for failure.  Just as they will never be the perfect spouse, neither will you.  Learn to give each other grace.....by meditating on God's grace for us.  Practice loving each other as God so loved this world....that He sacrificed His Son.  When I searched the word "perfect" in the Bible, can you guess what I found?  One theme:  LOVE.

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful.  (Col. 3:13-15 NIV)

And as we live in God, our love grows more perfect. So we will not be afraid on the day of judgment, but we can face him with confidence because we live like Jesus here in this world.  Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.  We love each other because he loved us first. (1 John 4:17-19 NLT)

I can't leave out this one from Song of Songs (aka Love Poems)
Sixty queens there may be,
    and eighty concubines,
    and virgins beyond number;
but my dove, my perfect one, is unique,
    the only daughter of her mother,
    the favorite of the one who bore her.
The young women saw her and called her blessed;
    the queens and concubines praised her.
(Song of Songs 6:8-9)

So allow me to alter that clever, cute quote:
"Dance with God, and let His perfect love set you free to dance with your beloved."